Thane Stenner Discusses Lessons in Wealth and Communication
By: Rachel Larson
Conversations about wealth have long carried a stigma, creating an unspoken taboo that lingers even among those positioned to address it head-on. Wealth-building strategies and the emotional weight that accompanies significant financial growth are two sides of the same coin, often difficult to discuss openly.
Ironically, avoiding these discussions can make managing wealth more isolating and stressful. Senior Portfolio Manager & Senior Wealth Advisor Thane Stenner, CIM®, FCSI® of Stenner Wealth Partners+ at CG Wealth Management Canada, explores the importance of clear, healthy communication when discussing wealth.
The Reluctance to Discuss Wealth
Discussions around money often evoke discomfort. Many people hesitate to talk openly about their financial status, whether it’s culture, upbringing, or personal insecurities. This reluctance stems from societal judgments and internal anxieties. People tend to think that money fundamentally changes relationships, which can lead to isolation. This discomfort is particularly acute for those who’ve experienced rapid financial growth or gone through a significant liquidity event, leaving them unsure of how to navigate their newfound status.
Rather than openly discussing wealth, particularly with loved ones or peers, many people internalize their fears of being judged or misunderstood. Unfortunately, this approach means they miss opportunities to connect and learn from others in similar situations.
“The more that wealth is kept hidden or treated like a secret, the likelier it is to fuel assumptions and misunderstandings among families,” says Thane Stenner. “Creating a divide in relationships degrades trust where openness might have otherwise fostered connection.”
The Emotional Impact of New Wealth
Experiencing a significant financial windfall often comes with intense, complex emotions. These feelings range from guilt to pride, anxiety to excitement. Importantly, the shift from one economic status to another can trigger a personal identity crisis. Questions emerge around authenticity and concerns come to light about how others, including close friends and family, might perceive the new financial reality.
Newfound wealth can also spark feelings of isolation. There’s a palpable worry that people might treat you differently, either idolizing or resenting you. In these moments, it becomes difficult to maintain a sense of connection with others. Attempts to hide or downplay one’s financial status may seem like an effective coping mechanism, but over time, it can prove both exhausting and detrimental to healthy relationships.
The Importance of Financial Literacy and Openness
A critical aspect of dealing with significant wealth is becoming comfortable with discussing financial matters. There is no universal guide on how to talk to family, friends, or even oneself about money, which makes the urge to avoid the topic understandable. However, there’s immense value in facing the discomfort and normalizing these conversations.
Notes Stenner, “For those who’ve come into or accumulated substantial wealth, it’s common to feel a deep-rooted need to connect with people who share similar experiences. But first, addressing your own relationship with wealth is key.”
By examining early life beliefs about money, often ingrained during childhood, you can begin to challenge harmful notions you might hold, such as the idea that saving makes someone good while spending is irresponsible. Awareness of these deep-seated beliefs allows individuals to view money as a tool rather than a measure of personal worth.
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Philanthropy and Responsible Wealth Management
As individuals become more comfortable with their financial situations, many are motivated to use their wealth responsibly, whether through philanthropy or investments promoting a healthier, more inclusive society.
For example, the growing awareness of inequities in venture capital spurs many ultra-high-net-worth individuals to rethink how their investments align with their values. Studies show that white men receive the bulk of venture capital funding, often leaving women and people of color underfunded. Acknowledging this imbalance, some investors have shifted their focus toward supporting women-led funds and ventures as a way of correcting the power dynamic and encouraging innovation from more diverse groups.
Philanthropy is another avenue where conversations around wealth bear fruit. Many who have amassed wealth feel a distinct responsibility to give back. However, it’s essential to move beyond writing checks even in this space. Thoughtful philanthropy requires careful planning, identifying the causes that resonate personally, and ensuring that financial contributions truly make an impact. Philanthropy can be a deeply fulfilling way to give back and align wealth with personal values.
Understanding Family Dynamics and Financial Gifts
Navigating wealth within one’s family is one of the trickier elements of holding significant assets. Gifting money to family members may seem simple, but it can foster complex emotions in practice. Family members are likely to attach their own meanings to these transactions, whether feelings of guilt, entitlement, or resentment.
A common dilemma families encounter is how to distribute wealth fairly between siblings. While it may seem easiest to divide assets equally, situations differ. One child may have chosen a high-paying career, while another may be committed to a not financially lucrative vocation. The challenge is to make sure family members feel supported without fostering a sense of favoritism or resentment.
Open lines of communication are essential. Instead of allowing assumptions to drive decisions, families should work to create spaces where members feel comfortable discussing their options, concerns, and needs. This transparency ensures that emotional frustration, including hurt feelings or confusion, doesn’t fester.
Raising Financially Aware Children
One of the biggest questions parents who come into considerable wealth face is how to raise grounded, grateful, and not entitled children. There’s a delicate balance between ensuring children appreciate their privileges while also understanding the value of hard work and the importance of managing money.
Strategic conversations are important. Children are observant and see lifestyle differences between themselves and their peers. Encouraging curiosity rather than avoidance can foster a healthy discussion about wealth. When kids ask questions like, “Are we rich?” it’s an opportunity to teach financial literacy and clarify family values around wealth.
Instilling a sense of responsibility starts at home. Parents can involve kids in philanthropic efforts, teach them about budgeting, and create opportunities for them to work toward personal financial goals.
“Maintaining authenticity when discussing money is critical,” says Stenner.
Children appreciate honesty and will model their behavior based on the values they perceive their parents uphold.
Continuing the Discussion of Wealth in Impactful Ways
Ultimately, transparency around wealth is far from simple, and it’s undeniably critical. Whether discussing money within families, with financial advisors, or even in philanthropic endeavors, the act of opening up paves the way for greater contentment and connection. Understanding emotions related to money elevates financial literacy and ensures that wealth isn’t merely a source of stress or anxiety. Instead, it becomes a tool for personal growth and societal improvement.
Starting these conversations can be the hardest part, but the benefits gained from openness, understanding, and careful financial stewardship can transform your personal relationship with wealth and enhance your relationships and, potentially, entire communities.
Thane Stenner, renowned for his experience in wealth management, has an impressive academic background that includes graduating with honors from Arizona State University and participating in Harvard Business School’s Executive Program. He is cross-border licensed with FINRA in the USA, and with CIRO in Canada, with clients based in San Francisco and the Bay Area as well as across Canada.
His professional journey has spanned several high-ranking positions at Morgan Stanley Wealth Management, including Managing Director and International Client Wealth Advisor, where he spearheaded portfolio management for ultra-high net worth clients. Stenner’s insights have been featured in multiple prestigious outlets like the Globe & Mail, Canadian Family Offices, and BNN Bloomberg.
Published by: Josh Tatunay
